I just spent an hour and a half in an IM conversation with a friend from out of town. I hadn't heard from her in a while, so I was really glad to catch up with her. We've both had our rough patches, and we've kind of seen each other through a few of them over the past decade or so. Her last one was being shafted for a bunch of $, among other things, from the last love of her life. Jackass got some out of her mom too. Funny thing is that this (our friendship) has all been over the phone, or via e-mail, or whatever. We've never met in person. I think that physically the closest we've ever been is about 500 miles apart.
I think I finally understand being sexist. I say this because I want to hook up every ripped-off, beaten, grifted, raped, abused, or otherwise damaged-from-some-guy female friend of mine into a support group. I want all those women to look out for each other when some asshole hits them again, or steals from them again, or shoots up again, or whatever. I know it wouldn't work, but I want them to take care of each other, and talk each other out of making another bad decision. And yes, maybe there's a little of me that wants someone to put a cap in someone else's ass.
I know this won't work. I also know it's sexist in the way I'm proposing it. But banding together all my friends, without regard for gender or sexual orientation, has even less chance of working.
I know it happens to my male friends too. I know it happens to my queer friends. I'll be happy to help there too. I don't know how polarizing all my friends into mutual yet separate support groups is actually going to help. But god damn it. It kills me when it happens to someone I know. It's going on right now: I know it. I try to help in an appropriately disinterested fashion, with as much passion as I can render in my correctly disinterested state, or even outside of it on occasion.
I'm not helping enough. I want to help more. I can't.
Please don't try to make me feel better about this: that's not what this is about right now. I want my friends to feel better. To live without fear of being ripped off, beaten up, raped, and otherwise made to feel worthless by someone who putatively loves them. Then I'll feel better, at least about them.
Because then the little I can do for someone else will, at least sometimes, be enough.
Oh great: Now I can't even be friends with straight women in relationships. I tried to tell an ex once she'd been emotionally unfaithful; she kept saying she'd never "cheated" on me. She sounded like some male friends who stepped out on their SOs with BS justifications like "it's fate" or "my dick has no conscience." Arrr -- gets me some rum, booty, and a parrot!
Revamp the U.S. Congressional Page Programs -- House and Senate -- such that all Congressional Pages will be above the age of consent in any relevant jurisdiction.
The Page Programs will also be expanded: At least 8 pages will be hired for each member of Congress. Full representation of race, gender, and sexual preference will be mandated. Additional Pages will be hired as needed to accommodate those with special needs, as well as to accommodate any incompatibility between a particular Page and Member of Congress. We anticipate the total number of Pages needed will be on the order of 5000.
In an effort to more effectively control the Federal Budget, Pages may be exchanged between Congressional Members as needed for different Duties.
At least three Pages will accompany every Member of Congress at all times, including out-of-town air travel and airport bathroom breaks.
To supplement the expanded Page Programs, and to allow for "headaches," wear and tear on individual Pages, and other extraordinary situations, an Incidental Page Program will be established. The I.P.P. will initially be managed by Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who has proven her worth in similar D.C. manpower situations. It is anticipated that Ms. Palfrey, however, will need some time to expand her workforce outside of the D.C. area.
Members of Congress will make an effort to utilize Page Resources before stepping out elsewhere for assistance.
All Pages will be Trained in appropriate Courses of Study before their Congressional Service.
Congress shall have power to enforce this program by appropriate legislation.